Void

The truth is in the lie
The lie has become the truth
Destroy the lie is to no longer to live.
Void.
White scream
Cloudy thoughts
Empty space
Silence.

Finding a Happy Place

I'm unsure of what to title this notation of the daily grind - I'm steering towards "Mmm- am I depressed"or "Retail Therapy" or "Back from the brink"
At any length you can tell I've not been the happiest camper and yes I have had a small bout of retail  therapy, which could indicate my mood by my purchases.Want to see?
Easter is over so there is plenty of this around and cheap, so now I have plenty of quality chocolate with a small price tag unless you buy it in bulk like me. Mmmm...

Close to 2 kilogram of chocolate there.  Naughty girl!
And then I bought this lovely red dress which won''t look very nice if I eat all of the above. I actually do need the dress to wear to a conference dinner on Saturday, a little different and a little quirky, like me. I'm paring it up with some black leggings and heels.Love the cut work design in the fabric.

Then I purchased this movie to watch tonight.

Home alone , the kids and David have gone to Middleton. Yehh! Jump for joy, some me time. Interesting title and a very good movie.
And whilst I have had some time to my self I have started a little clay decoration. Heart themed. I have to wait for the clay to dry then twist it up on some wire.

And the crochet baby blanket has progressed. I've spent  a lot  of time ignoring my family and resting my laurels on my bed. Trying to find my happy place.. well at least its colourful.

And currently cooking a pavlova for Mum's birthday tomorrow...need to clean the oven which now works full time.

and a little one I made for me.

Hope you find your happy place.....

The Lie

Fifteen years
to know your own lie.
Walk a line,
a  path well trod.
Bind the lie with a band.
Together hold hands.
Didn't know when I lost your grip.
Unfurled loss ,a loss of my heart.
Where is he? people ask
I say it is his choice not to play
So alone I tread the path
and dance the dance
of mourned love lost
Widowed without a dream
Just a lie to test my weary head.

No need to say anymore, I think you get the picture. Welcome to my headspace and all the joy of struggling with yet another day. Prescribe some of those yippeee beans for me will you or present me with the divorce  papers, at least it wouldn't be so mind numbingly suffocating.

Good Friday Cooking

I have never really done any cooking especially for Easter before but this year with the encouragement of my daughter Jordana I have actually made hot cross buns. In the past I have tried to make yeast products but failed miserably, probably due to the yeast being too old. Anyway this year success!! I used 2 different recipes, one from a friend at work whom wrote the recipe from memory and the other from the women's  weekly cookbook.
Jill's recipe utilizes half wholemeal flour and half white flour - this appeals to the colorectal nurse in me: providing a little more fibre to the diet. The other recipe is a basic hot cross bun recipe that we added chocolate to, thus appealing to the appetites of my children. Anyway Yummm... love the smell of yeast buns cooking in the oven and devouring a bun with homemade blackberry jam and cream, the best.
(Recipe at the end of text)

Jordy glazing the hot cross buns

Choc hip on the left and wholemeal to the right

 Also another first, home-made toffees as found on the Quince Tree which found it on http:www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/toffees.pdf. For the recipe follow this link:  they were really easy. (I wrote the full address because I don't know if I have enclosed the link properly)
 I didn't have any golden syrup and substituted honey in the same quantity and it worked out fine. Next time I'll try to find a smaller mould to shape them in just to make them a more manageable size to eat. Each batch made 12 in a small muffin tin shape.

Homemade toffees

Shades of Easter colours in baby blanket no.2, Ripple Blanket in bright colours.

Wholemeal Hot Cross Buns

Quantity made 16-18

2 cups plain flour
2 cups wholemeal flour
1 egg plus 1 egg yolk
3/4 teaspoon salt
75 grams butter melted
250ml warm milk
2 1/2 teaspoon yeast
1 tablespoon mixed spice
1 tablespoon cinnamon
3 tablespoon brown sugar

Mix milk, 1 tsp sugar and yeast. Sit for 5 minutes to activate yeast
mix dry and wet ingredients together allow to rise to double size in warm place.
(The front seat of the car is a good place just ensure you protect your seat covers and cover bowl with clean cloth to maintain moisture)

After proving dough add 1 cup of sultanas/ currants if desired (I add 3/4 cup chocolate)
Knead dough
Roll out to rectangle
Cut hot cross buns and allow to rise again for 15 minutes

Cross the Bun
1/2 cup plain and 1/2 cup water mixed to thin paste
use cake decorating tool to drizzle cross over bun

Bake in hot oven 190 degree C for 15 minutes

Glaze bun with
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon hot water
1 teaspoon gelatine

mix together and brush over bun

Enjoy!!
And Happy Easter

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a happy and safe Easter.

pattern and doodling

Following my little foray with pomegranates and acrylic paint I decided  to continue the pen and ink exercise. I probably sat up too late again last night, but once I start I just cant stop. Anyway its a good way of falling asleep exhausted , although I think I was that before I started.
Anyway here is what I was up too. One complete and the other just started. The second will take a bit longer to complete because I took my lovely pen to work today and promptly lost it. Silly me.

Close up of center pattern

 Pattern complete

 Beginnings

Painted Beginnings

I decided to have a quick dash with the acrylic paints and start the pomegranates in colour.
This is what I have so far. I have to wait to layer the paint to build up some depth especially to the leaves.