Its almost as if someone has highly strung my nerves and every now and then twangs them. Each nerve fibre resonants with that vibration and things become friable.
What has happened to the agreeable and affable person I normally am?.
Yes we can blame hormones for some of my emotive responses but I feel more stressed and pushed by the events that are going on around me..particularly at work. I work in an extremely busy, high turnover, high acuity area of surgical nursing and the pressures from above come more to the fore everyday. I love the nurses whom I work so closely with..more like family than colleagues..but the overall hierarchy of things is changing and exerting more pressures on all of us. And its showing.
I probably can't mention the thing that most upsets me at work but suffice to say that I feel stressed and generally unappreciated...My gut tells me to dig my heels in, tread water and these things will pass..but the rest of me is screaming.
I didn't realise how highly strung I was until this morning. I went to coffee as is usual for Thursday prior to craft. Whilst waiting for the others to arrive I was reading a message from a primary school friend whom I had only recently caught up with after 20 years (its like we've never been apart). I'd gotten worried I hadnt heard from her and knew her mother had been ill , so queried her about it. She informed me her mother had been put into hospice...in terms of nursing experience this means she doesn't have long to live...I just burst out crying and couldn't stop..right there in the middle of the cafe.. a middle aged woman blubbing her eyes out uncontrollably. Thankfully my sister arrived. I'm not saying that I'm not sympathetic to the events of others but that perhaps normally wouldn't be triggered so easily to show my emotions.
Anyway I'm still a blubbering mess but grateful I have the luxury to be so self indulgent.
I feel better to have gotten that off my chest! maybe I need to get my hormone levels checked..I am of that age.
It's exhausting being sad..much rather happy or even sedate.
Hoping all is smooth sailing in your neck of the woods
Monique x
Life is all a bit too much at times. I take my hat off to you nurses, you treat people with compassion and care and kindness. You must see a lot of hurt and sickness every day of your work life and nurse and care for people in distressing situations; not to mention the stresses involved in the toings and froings of a hospital. Good on you for having a good cry......though exhausting and saps one of energy....it is a good thing. How sad for your friend to have to see her mum slowly fade from this life...it is one of life's most awful things to see one's loved ones to be sick and inevitably die. I'll be thinking of you this week as you care for your friend and your family and your patients!! Take care, Monique.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind thoughts.. acouple days down the track and feeling better. Wait and see what happens at work this week
DeleteBeing muddled aged does lend to crazy emotions!! I'm lucky that I'm cone with most of the crazy highs and lows. When we are under stressed it shows in weird places. Be extra good to yourself, eat right get good sleep and maybe do a fun thing just for you!! Hope you feel better and that work settles down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words. Spent a lot of time sewing in the past few days.. very selfish with my me time but needed it. Feeling better but will wait to see how I am after work this week
DeleteWe can all be vulnerable in our own ways and the best medicine is to be kind to yourself. I am the first to admit I am bad at taking my own advice but my unsolicited advice to you is to treat yourself like you would someone you really care about.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words. Its lovely to know that others are empathetic to others even though just by knowing them on the internet. Blog friends really give meaning to the idea of global community. Cheers
Delete